Something Different
by A-kun
Summary: A collection of stories that have little or nothing to do with each other. Read with the caution that if you kick Bowser in the Planters, the economy will not improve and the concept behind Phone Booth will still suck.


And now, for something completely different...

A-kun stared up at the enormous fanged mushroom and turned to his companion, Yuka Takeuchi, who was, in fact, The One, from a Matrix alternate world where the main objective of the Matrix was to propagate lots of women with enormous boobs. Yuka, apparently, was one of the most successful realizations of this effort.  
"Okay, why do we have to do this again?" A-kun inquired.  
"Because, Trinity-" Yuka-Neo began.  
"-told you not to call me Trinity, I don't even look good in normal clothes, let alone skin-tight-" A-kun muttered under his breath.  
"-this is all for a very simple reason. Five years into the future, Ranma Saotome becomes a soul-sucking sorcerer, just like Tatewaki Kunou thought he was, and began collecting millions of souls. The current Ranma Saotome somehow caught wind of his future self's infamy, and traveled back in time to make sure he was never born as a man, but the female him was pure evil and destroyed the world when she was only sixteen, a year prior to the start of the normal Ranma 1/2 continuity, by creating and releasing over the internet a video containing the 28 most sacriligeous moments ever, which forced God to blow up the earth." Yuka began, "This pissed off the future evil soul-sucking Ranma, who didn't want the world destroyed, so he traveled back in time to do battle with the evil female Ranma. They waged a huge battle that wound up with the evil future male Ranma defeating the evil female Ranma and trapping her outside of time and space, where her only connection to our universe was through a cursed video tape that was retroactively healthy for the environment, which ticked off the evil female Ranma, so she changed her name to Sadako and strangled anyone who watched her video"  
"This caused the recession of 1928, which allowed Saddam Hussein to travel back in time to play poker with Hitler, who was, in fact, Saddam Hussein. Then the penguin armada showed up several centuries early and began firing spitballs down at the planet, but these took years to reach Earth and eventually had time to become the magic bullet, which was the true Shot Heard Round the World that started the Revolutionary War. This in turn angered the flubber worms, who'd been planning to start the war, and they started a massive revolt that melted Cinncinatti and allowed Star Bucks to become the 7th Sign." Yuka continued, minus any extra breath, yet somehow not needing any, "They inspired mexicans to revolt against the Taco Bell dog, who was our only defense against the Ninja Space Pope, who, unopposed, devoured the One True Yakitori, which retroactively caused the War of 1812, which formed the core for the masturbation scene in Evangelion"  
Two hours later, Yuka-Neo was beginning to wrap up the explanation, "...and that's why Voltron is your mother-in-law and why you are the chosen one who can help us defeat King Goomba, install Prince Koopa on the throne, entice him to take Princess Yoshi as his first wife, secretly kill her and frame the Mushroom Kingdom by cramming a poisonous mushroom up her ass (by the way, you'll be doing that as well as the seduction), causing the Koopas and the Mushroom kingdom to go to war. Then we'll force the Koopas to demand Princess Toadstool as a peace offering, shove Mario and Luigi down the magic dirty toilet that sends them to this world. That'll cause La Blue Girl's Ranmaru to be born with a penis, which will cause all princesses to become either kidnapped, pretentious or adventurous, which will cause Breath of Fire fans to lose faith in Capcom when they ruin the entire franchise when they release Dragon Quarter"  
"Eh, the series has been in a downward spiral since BOF4, actually. I mean, every series seems to shorten Nina's hair and make her more fragile in appearance and she looked really freaky in the last game. I mean, it's like all of the characters were made using completely different styles, for crying out loud! All of the characters are supposed to look like they're in the same game!" A-kun grumbled.  
"Now, just use the special four-button code to unleash your penultimate form that you learned in the last FMV." Yuka-Neo told him.  
"Uuuuh, I wasn't paying attention." A-kun said, sweatdropping.  
"And why not?" Yuka-Neo demanded angrily.  
"I was eating a donut." A-kun replied, "It had sprinkles"  
"Well, you should have a good idea from the FMV before that." Yuka-Neo told him.  
"I was busy watching your boobs jiggle." A-kun admitted sheepishly.  
"THEN GUESS!" Yuka-Neo snapped, causing her boobs to jiggle again, "We've already saved, so you have a bajillion attempts at this"  
"Okay. X A B Y! ZABIE!" A-kun yelled.  
A loud blaring noise was hard and the King Goomba bit A-kun in half.  
From inside the King Goomba's mouth, A-kun's muffled voice was heard, "R A B Y! RABIE"  
King Goomba ate the rest of A-kun, "Hey, cool, now I can cast Regen"  
A few moments later, A-kun's voice was heard once more, but this time, it was much louder, "B A B Y! BABY"  
King Goomba exploded, flinging A-kun skyward towards a distant continent.  
"Whew! Now I don't have to have sex with him." Yuka-Neo said, breathing a sigh of relief.  
That is, until she realized SHE would have to seduce Princess Yoshi.  
"Hmmm, maybe I could get Morpheus to do it." Yuka-Neo muttered.  
In the Sailor Moon universe, Usagi Tsukino sneezed violently. Someone must be talking about her.

There, gentle reader, I have defiled your eyes with my horrible tripe. ENJOY!

Other words you can spell with the SNES controller:  
LABYA RALLY RALAX (sounds like "Relax)  
RABBY (sounds like "Rabbi)  
LARBA (sounds like "Larva)  
BRALL (sounds like "Brawl)  
LALY (as in FF4's "Lali Ho)  
LALA (sounds for singing)  
RARA (sounds like "RAH RAH)  
ARBY BALL YAY BAY LAY RAY RAX (sounds like "Racks)  
LAX BRA

"I'm think of bringing the boys"  
"Then take my knife for good luck!" - Fear Effect 2

A-kun 


End file.
